Campaign Finance Reform

Why should some people have with money have all the power?

Why should a few businessmen in a cigar-smoke filled room get to make all the decisions and smoke all the good cigars and drink all the good liquor while the rest of us are left with only the very finest cheap, disgusting Canadian whisky at the few remaining local vendors that will still let us in their doors, according to agreements they made with local authorities that may or may not have occurred in cigar-smoke filled rooms like the one above?

Why do fats cats get to live the leisurely lifestyle and have all of the good things in life?

Even when they exercise and pursue a healthy lifestyle:

These are hard questions that people want answers to. Yet, unfortunately, few have the guts and intellect to address such difficult problems head on.

Oh, certainly this problem of society bowing towards feline obesity has been talked about a lot. But a lot of people talk about a lot of things a lot without producing much results (citation: long, boring and unproductive work meetings). That is much the case here. Much has been made about campaign finance reform over the years (citation: the news over the years).

But are people really doing anything about it?

Yes, at least we are here at Sweet Livin’ Productions.

How?

Well, let us answer that in a very comprehensive and intellectual way.

Our Very Comprehensive & Intellectual Answer to the Question “How?”

It is difficult to simply ask those with money to not spend it.

First, it is their money to spend.

Second, if they don’t spend it, then it won’t enter the economy and thus could hurt economic growth.

So then, what is the sensible way towards effective and reasonable campaign finance reform?

In order to answer this question, we could have researched a bunch of experts and wrote a boring report about our findings, citing our sources with sugar a vigor and accuracy that would put academic integrity review boards at universities across country and globe in such a romantic frenzy that their birth rates would immediately spike.

But that (or at least some of that) has already been done on the Other Internet and Its Discontents (aspects of the Other Internet that it hides behind paywalls—i.e. subscription services—this is definitely where many of the aforementioned boring reports, and many of their boring cousins, safely rest, like the elite in gated communities not to be bothered by the hoi polloi).

Rather than having wealthy donors and corporations who funnel money through boring, but influential, organizations with boring and uninspiring names, we urge—here and now—those wealthy donors and corporations instead to funnel that money directly to you, no strings attached, so that you can quit your job and spend 100 percent of your time (or at least what was your workday) campaigning for your favorite bear.

This will increase your sense of purpose in life while also reducing your stress in life and thus reduce your blood pressure*.

We cannot reveal this gentleman’s exact blood pressure or other vitals because of HIPAA and/or other factors—such as our respect for his privacy—but we can confidently tell you that his vital signs are good because of the proposed Campaign Finance Reform here and/or other factors. We can also tell you that he is a winner of one of the successful previous hypothetical campaigns for the World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll. We can also tell you that he once had intimacy difficulties that immediately subsided when he won the aforementioned previous hypothetical campaign and such intimacy issues completely dissipated when his blood pressure improved because of this wonderful Campaign Finance Reform program; the intimacy problems also disappeared (the next level beyond the above dissipation) for reasons to be discussed shortly.

Sign-in sheets to heaven—along with any associated CCTV footage—are not covered by HIPAA, so we provide you this footage of what might potentially be this man’s entrance into heaven because of his good deed of getting his favorite bear to win a World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll.

To be honest, we are not 100 percent sure if the above image is this particular winner (the man in the above, above image) of such a prestigious Poll or another winner of the same Poll or another winner of another SLP Poll. This uncertainty is because of the light in this photograph—it is only natural that photographers and videographers in heaven are still trying to figure out the best filming methods in order to deal with the different lighting up there.

So we are hoping—even expecting—that Forensic Files, or another one of those crime shows that focuses heavily on the forensic sciences, will lend their high budgets to determining if the person entering heaven here is the same gentleman pictured above with good blood pressure and a good heart from winning a World Famous** Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll—or if, differently, it is another winner of the same Poll or another winner of another SLP Poll. We will not interfere or try to influence their findings, whatever the results may be. We will let science do the talking.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Because no good deed goes unpunished (citation: the preceding subheading), we must deal with the naysayers crawling out of the woodwork of the dilapidated flooring they have never repaired because they have spent of their money and time on expensive computers and high-speed internet to write as many negative things their bandwidths will allow on the Other Internet.

These negative naysayers are negatively saying in question format, “Why would that gentleman who allegedly had a good blood pressure because the alleged reasons we don’t believe in anyway have died and gone to heaven if he were so healthy?”

Well, as mentioned before, we don’t claim to have precise answers to all of the details, dates, and facts. Such details, as mentioned above, will be sorted out by a reputable crime show. As we have not been invited to take part in the production meetings of crime shows and respect their privacy, we are not sure which such crime shows may or may not been pursuing such an episode—or multipart documentary (or even fictionalized account(s)).

*This statement has not (yet) been evaluated by the FDA and you should consult a physician if you are experiencing high blood pressure.

**The name of this Poll may have to be changed to include places in addition to this world—like heaven, where the World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll is apparently well-known (citation: the information above, both in this writing and in heaven, which is known to be located above)—in order to maintain accuracy in the labels of things, which is important so that kids don’t eat poison—something that can be prevented when parents read labels and store harmful products in places that children cannot access.