SLP Polling Details
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Essential SLP Polling Information
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Essential Life Information
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Math
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Numbers
SLP POLLING MARGIN OF ERROR
Polls normally publish a margin of error of something like +- 3%. It is difficult for us to do that because our polls may be completely inaccurate. As such, we fear putting a definite numerical margin of error on our polls could take some of them above 100 percent or below 0 percent when the margin of error is applied to the results.
For instance, let’s say we had a poll that found 65% of women find men sexier in Sweet Livin’ shirts than other, dumber shirts. If you added a margin of error of complete inaccuracy–-100%--to the 65%, that would mean that 165% of women find men sexier in a Sweet Livin’ shirt. Even if true, this could cause lots of problems (citation: sometimes the Truth Hurts).
First, our supply chain could not handle all the Sweet Livin’ shirts men would be ordering.
Second, it could make women jealous of fictitious women (if 165% of women find men sexier in a Sweet Livin’ shirt, the extra 65% over the 100% would be fictitious) and so they would not know where to track them down and put them in their place. Afterall, jealousy should be confronted.
Third, it could cause consternation among mathematicians because of the current numeric impossibility of such a dynamic where over 100 percent of people find something to be true. Since Matt Damon got promoted from janitor to movie star years ago, this would remain unsolved forever.
Fourth, it could stir up unnecessary distrust among the public regarding our polling methods.
Fifth, polls love visual aids like graphs and such. How would we come up with a visual aid that shows that 165% of women think men are sexier in a Sweet Livin’ shirt? Such a visual aid would inherently need to be larger than your computer screen because it would need to take up 165% of you computer screen. Not currently possible. Conversely, how could a visual aid be constructed showing -35% of women prefer men in non-Sweet Livin’ shirts? That of course is impossible because those -35% of women who do not think men are sexier in a Sweet Livin’ shirt don’t exist (citation: mathematics). And SLP Polls only deal with what exists. #AvoidDelusion
Finally, a more general reason that we feel uncomfortable choosing a fixed margin of error number is we then might have to stick with that number for a while. And sometimes we have difficulty with commitment.
Considering all of these potential global problems we wish to avoid, we will simply say that our polls are 100 percent worth your time because they are 100 percent fun (note: this statement itself may be up to 100 percent inaccurate). If you do not enjoy our polls, it is not because there is something wrong with our polls; it is because there is something wrong with you. You could fix that through annoying introspection and costly therapy, or you could buy a Sweet Livin’ t-shirt and instantly feel better. The path to happiness is happiness; the path to sweetness is Sweet Livin’ Merch.
SLP POLL INTEGRITY
Our polls are steeped in integrity. As such, we are especially popular among tea drinkers. They love stuff that is steeped.
Integrity is closely link to honesty, so it is important to know just how honest our Polls are.
HOW OUR POLLS MEASURE VOTER ENTHUSIASM
Often political polls measure voter enthusiasm by asking voters how enthusiastic they are. Boring.
We measure enthusiasm here by encouraging voters to stuff the ballot box. Not boring.
In other words, rather than polling voter enthusiasm, we can go directly to the source: the results.
In yet other words, you can respond to our polls as many times as you like (within reason: you can only vote once an hour, so it is advisable to set an alarm each hour so you can reach your 24-votes-per-day maximum civic duty). Not only is this fun because taking our polls is fun like going to a good buffet, but it also more accurately reflects enthusiasm than a real election where an enthusiastic voter’s vote is counted once just like a non-enthusiastic voter’s vote.
Thus an enthusiastic voter in a dumb, official, real election has to do arduous things to show their enthusiasm, like go to rallies and donate to their candidate so the candidate can live the highlife making deals while drinking expensive whiskey in cigar-smoke-filled backrooms while you spend all of your time drinking Black Velvet Whisky (but only the very best) in the comfort of your own home taking the same Sweet Livin’ Productions Poll—or a nice variety of SLP Polls.
And after all, variety is the spice of life. And people get enthusiastic when spiciness is involved.