The Mount Rushmore

of

Ways to Watch The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season #1

#1 On Your Cell Phone After the Power Goes Out During a Storm When You Don’t Have Any Backup Generator and Don’t Know When Power Will Return Along With the Associated Wi-Fi and You’ve Already Used the First 67% of Your Cell Phone Battery, and While Your Abundant Data Usage Has Slowed Your Cell Phone Down, You Can Still Access the Outside World for the Time Being

A pessimist would say, “That stinks. I’m very sad. Two-thirds of my cell phone battery is gone. I might not survive the storm.”

While an optimist says, “Good thing I have the unlimited data plan, even if it slows my phone down after I hit a certain threshold. Also good thing I have a third of my cell phone battery still left. That is more than enough for me to watch the whole first season of The Shopper & The Salesman: A Sweet Livin’ Web Series–-including the very worthwhile prologue and epilogue–-because while the season is tall in terms of reaching heights of greatness, it is short in terms of time duration, likely a deliberate move by Sweet Livin’ Productions because they had the vision to foresee this very storm would happen, and I would lose power and end up in this very once-precarious situation that has been stabilized by my ability to watch this amazing web series, The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series. So not only am I going to survive this storm, I am going to thrive in this storm.”

That’s the fighting spirit!

Don’t be the pessimist who lets the storm accelerate your downfall in life, sadly allowing it to spiral out of control.

Be the optimist who uses the storm as an opportunity to watch The Shopper & The Salesman: A Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season #1.

That’s what Rahm Emmanuel meant by: “Never let a serious crisis go to waste” after the 2008 financial crisis. It took over 15 years, but we as a society have finally rebounded, with this very web series. The bursting of the housing bubble and devastated retirement savings weren’t for not.

If that above paragraph was not 100 percent clear we would like to make explicit this very important point: in times of crisis, watch The Shopper & The Salesman: A Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season #1.

#2 When You Think You Have Met Your Soulmate & You Want to Spend the Rest of Not Only Your Life, but Also Eternity With Them

It is well-known that many marriages end in divorce, at least in the United States where the statistics put it at about half. So putting a ring on a finger does not ensure you will spend the rest of your life with someone, let alone eternity. It is essentially as secure as flipping a coin, but more costly.

It is a 50/50 prop bet that instead of leading to heavenly love could lead to your helping subsidize the cushy vacations of people in the family law industry, which thrives on familial woes. But hey, if you want to (indirectly) pay for that extra round of top-shelf drinks for the lawyer or judge on their tropical vacation–-or the extra well drink for the paralegal on their staycation–-be our guest.

Luckily*, there’s another way.

And no, it’s not traveling all the way to South Dakota to see the Mount Rushmore there when it wasn’t even on your soulmate’s bucket list and you chose it over Corfu, which was second on their list (behind watching The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season #1), resulting in a seed of resentment being planted in the soul of your soulmate that ultimately sprouted into divorce papers (and the aforementioned drinks for the legal workers above).

So that’s clearly not the way.

But there is a way that is the way.

And the way does have to do with a Mount Rushmore.

Just not that Mount Rushmore in South Dakota.

It’s this Mount Rushmore on this internet.

But it isn’t this Mount Rushmore itself.

For we could not claim to be a real Mount Rushmore construction company if we claimed visiting this Mount Rushmore page would be enough to secure your soulmate forever.

We are not some sleazy dating site or blog.

We do not claim these Mount Rushmores are so amazing in themselves that they could accomplish feats like that.

We are only the messengers—of good news. So inverse to the saying, “Don’t blame the messenger” when there is the delivery of bad news, we humbly as you : “Don’t thank the messenger” as we deliver good news to you through the carving of Mount Rushmores.

To put it other terms: we are only reporting the amazing, for you to see, and what you do with the newsworthy information is up to you.

We are the objective journalist who needs not the spotlight for themselves, instead letting all the light shine upon what it should: the news story.

We are the referee of a great sporting event who impartially calls things by the rules as they let the athletes themselves decide the outcome, making chronic gamblers feel good about the integrity of the way in which they wagered away their life savings that they wasted the best years of their life building up.

So here, on this Mount Rushmore, we humbly report to you how to secure your soulmate for all eternity.

Invite them to watch The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season #1 with you.

Even if you are a bad person whom they initially loathed, they will end up liking you and staying with you for all eternity because every time they see your face, which previously made them puke inside of their mouth with disgust at first** sight (and would have made them feel self-conscious about their breathe except for the fortunate fact they had a travel toothbrush with them at all times in addition to very-effective chewing gum), they will now joyously associate you with the best experience of their whole entire life and afterlife: watching The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season 1.

Classic brand imprinting. You may be the furthest thing from Sweet Livin’, but now when they see you, they say “Sweet Livin’” with their mind, body, and soul.

This ability to turn the non-Sweet Livin’ to Sweet Livin’ makes watching The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season 1 not completely unlike an intense revelatory religious moment that can quickly turn a bad person good and perhaps reduce the length of a prison sentence in certain circumstances.

But you might not be a bad person. In fact, if you are visiting this Mount Rushmore it is most likely that you are a good person, a very good person with an abundance of a great qualities that would be difficult to whittle down to a Mount Rushmore, but would make a very beautiful monument indeed.

But your soulmate may not yet realize you are such a good person, because you have yet to hire Sweet Livin’ Productions to construct your own personal Mount Rushmore.

That’s okay, because their is another way for them to recognize your goodness.

They will finally realize that you are truly good person after watching (and then inevitably rewatching) together The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season #1. All the good that is already inside of you, will come to the surface, maybe somewhat like a pore exfoliation—but for the soul. Or maybe another more appropriate and stronger analogy. Whatever the case, you will spend eternity happy together.

But maybe you are neither good nor bad. You’re just mediocre. No need to worry: this web series is able to deal delicately in subtle shades of gray. After watching The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season #1 with your soulmate, they see the good in you, even if the good is really just your liking The Shopper & The Salesman, a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season #1. Nothing wrong with that though. That’s better than most people in the world, who have not yet watched The Shopper & The Salesman, a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season #1. Unfortunately there are a lot of bad people in the world.

The beauty of this method of watching The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season #1 with your soulmate in order to secure eternity with them and the associated eternal happiness is that you don’t even have to be in a relationship with them.

You don’t even have to ask them on a date.

You barely have to even know them.

The episodes are so short, you can watch them in even less time than it takes to work up the nerve to ask them out.

Furthermore, in this situation, you won’t get rejected. For two reasons:

a) They won’t realize they have completely fallen in love with you until after you have watched the Epilogue. In which case, they are already your soulmate for eternity.

b) No one rejects an invitation to watch The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season #1 because it is great. People don’t reject Mother Earth’s invitation to breathe oxygen–-and if they have, they are dumb and dead, which is not the case with The Shopper & The Salesman audience, who are all currently alive at the time of this Mount Rushmore’s construction.

In other words, for those of you now in the know (of this knowledge here), unrequited love is dead. Romeo & Juliet is now obsolete.

Sorry Shakespeare.

But yes, your other 37 plays are still valid.

And most of your sonnets.

If you are wondering if the Government may ban this web series because it is so powerful, you may be right.

But let’s hope you're wrong.

Maybe if we get more Government officials across the globe to watch The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season #1 the better, more efficient, and fairer governments we can have and the better place the world will be and maybe more Mount Rushmores will be constructed.

#FingersCrossed

#3 On Your Deathbed

This may sound morbid.

But it is not.

It is actually sweet.

For its own mini-Mount Rushmore of reasons:

a) Because the very action of watching a Sweet Livin’ Web Series is a sweet action, not morbid (citation: adjectives; adjectival phrases).

b) Rather than having your mind, body, and soul filled with rage when you are “raging against the dying of the light” and all that nonsense as prescribed by Dylan Thomas, you are simply and sweetly enjoying the final moments of your life.

c) Just as they say you dream about what you were thinking about before you sleep, so too might you dream (or live out, who the fucks knows) for eternity what you were thinking about right before you died. In this case, you would be experiencing The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season 1 for all of eternity, and proving that the Biblical water-into-wine trick is real, or at least a metaphor for expanding an amazing web series infinitely, well beyond its earthly running time.

d) Your life, and thus the time you have on this mortal coral with your loved ones, will expand by 26 minutes and 22 seconds, the cumulative running time of The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season 1. People often longingly say, “Oh, if I could spend just one more minute with [so and so], I would do anything.” Well, in this case, it is much more than one minute; it is 1,582 seconds, the cumulative running time of The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season 1 . The reason it will expand your life is because you will want to watch to the end to see what happens; it will give you a reason to live.

#4 Anytime/Anywhere Whenever/Wherever

This may seem like a cop out. So we must explain ourselves, for this is the furthest thing from a cop out as the rest of the courageous Sweet Livin’ Productions taking on the gigantic Other Internet should have demonstrated beyond any reasonable doubt that we are not cop-outers, the worst type of people (if they are also serial killers).

There are multiple reasons why Anytime/Anywhere, Whenever/Wherever is not only the right time, but also one of the top four times (in no particular order of importance, usually, of course even though we numbered them here; that was just for organizational sake) to watch The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season 1:

a) It is the truth. And the truth is sacred, at least on this sweeter internet–-it may not be on the Other Internet. But here on this internet, we are bound by the integrity of Truth as Mount Rushmore Constructionists. Did the Mount Rushmore carver choose how Teddy Roosevelt looked? Of course not. He did not use a filter. Nor do we (partially because we’re too old to know how).

b) Because, like Big Tech (even though we are not technically so), we are an impressionable and influential platform. As such, we hope to only promote good and positive things. Therefore, we do not want someone to purposely create a storm, break their generator, and drain ⅔ of their cell phone battery or prematurely get on their deathbed just so they can experience a top-4 way of watching The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season 1. We want them to know that there are other ways, infinite other ways to experience the best thing ever in your whole entire life, The Shopper & The Salesman: a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season 1. In this way, Anytime/Anywhere, Whenever/Wherever’s inclusion on this Mount Rushmore acts as a safeguard against natural disasters and death.

c) “Whenever, Wherever” is a great song by Shakira, and she is amazing, so amazing in fact that she is a Top Gunslinger (citation: 2022 Top 25 Gunslingers; 2023 Top 25 Gunslingers).

And so it is with The Shopper & The Salesman, a Sweet Livin’ Web Series, Season 1.

And so it is with Mount Rushmores.

*Well, it isn’t exactly luck. Sweet Livin’ Productions put in the time and effort to create another way for you—and others—who truly seek love.

**And also subsequent sightings, for this was their interdisciplinary emotional and gastronomical reaction every time they saw you.