Previous Hypothetical Bear Campaign #6
for
The World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World Best Bear Poll
Beto was her boyfriend but he wanted to be her fiancée. The chances she would say “yes” seemed 50/50. That was with a regular engagement ring. With a big ring the chances might move up to 60/40. A really big ring brought the chances near 75%. But Beto wanted the chances to be higher; he did not want there to be a one quarter chance he would not get the love of his life to be with him forever (which is all he ever wanted in life) and that his life would be completely ruined, causing him to give up on everything he cared about, stop shaving, lose his job, confidence, and hair, and slip into years of severe alcoholism and depression.
None of us want that for Beto, even if he is a fake character in a fake campaign.
But Beto did have enough money for that really big ring which could offer that three-quarters chance his girlfriend would say “yes”. “That is pretty good odds,” you may be thinking,”to get everything you ever wanted. Charlie had much lower chances, and had to spend a lot of time with a creepy old man to get his chocolate factory. Beto just has to propose. 75 percent is not bad.”
But Beto was not the gambling type. He wanted to be certain.
“Nothing is certain in this life,” you may be thinking. “Except death and taxes.”
In this case that is two thirds of the truth (less than Beto’s three quarter chances with the big rock).
The full truth is: “Nothing is certain this life except death and taxes–and the love of your life saying yes to marrying you if you get on your knee, give her an engagement ring of any size, and present her with the results of the her favorite bear winning the World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll because you took the time, money, and love to run a successful campaign.”
You doubt that is the full truth? Then consider this:
We have the pause discussed above—will she say, “yes”?
Well, then consider this:
You may be thinking that is stock footage. And you are correct. But this stock footage is allowed to be used in any manner. That is the purpose of stock footage, to be used in things like hypothetical previous World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll Campaigns.
But those videos of stock footage don’t match, you may be thinking.
Movie magic. Stock footage movie magic. Stock footage movie magic of hypothetical situations.
“What” you may be thinking. “is that supposed to mean?” Before moving on to your next point of skepticism:
Maybe you don’t believe these videos accurately captures Beto’s proposal. You would be correct. We concede that to you. Because Beto’s proposal was much more wonderful than any stock footage–or real footage–out of there, ever produced. If our description below fails to live up the hype; it is our descriptive failures–not the failures of the hypothetical reality of Beto's now-world-famous proposal.
Beto took the love of his life to the most beautiful place in the world (if you need to figure out where this is, Google “the most beautiful place in the world,” it may change depending on the time you do it and other variables, just as where Beto took the love of his life for this occasion, hypothetically, may vary given different time and variables), got on one knee (struggled to decide if it should be the right knee or the left knee or it it matters, just as we are struggling to remember that here at the Sweet Livin’ Productions World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll Hypothetical Campaign Reporting Headquarters and we don’t feel much like Googling it at the moment, and as noted above, the answers on Google change because of different variables), pulled out his decent engagement ring (the one that would give him a 50/50 shot, or maybe even less than that as this was a subpar ring) and proposed marriage.
The fiancée took it all in and the situation–if one were viewing this great hypothetical video film—would seem as if it were filmed from a balance beam, not just because the most beautiful place in the world might be a gymnast’s gym, but probably not (unless you are a gymnast that has been Googling terms like “most beautiful places in the world” and “balance beams” and the like) or the filmer of the hypothetical video might be a gymnast filming it from a balance beam because they are kind of weird. But the reason for such balance beam talk is because the answer to the question, this question of fate, not only for this lifetime but for all eternity (because both Beto and the potential fiancée believed whomever they would marry they would be with not only for this life but also beyond–for all eternity; and such hypothetical situations extend beyond lamer real situations, and so too our dear reader may be realizing the revelation the hypotheticality is that elusive key to immortality, for those seekers of the old looked not for the Fountain of Youth to drink from, but for you to drink from naively why they snatch that hypothetical key they tossed in their for safe-keeping).
And so, just like you may have gotten lost in the parenthetical statements from above (both heaven and the previous paragraph), so too did Beto have many parenthetical statements running through his mind as he waiting for the verdict of his fate to come in. The fate of eternity held in balance for what seemed like minutes (and was minutes in actual time, but later became something like 10 seconds after Beto had the hypothetical engagement video edited, hypothetically, by his best friend at editing–not his very best friend, to be clear, but the friend that among all his friends had the top editing skills) and so it gave a moment for drama without boring the viewer and we get to almost the 10-second mark it seems more and more like the love of his life is teetering on “no” because the longer it takes for one to answer this question of engagement, of course means the more likely the verdict is to be “no” like the longer a jury deliberates the more likely the verdict is to be “not guilty” for their is a dissenter in the collective mind of the jury just like in the potential soulmate (for there is a Henry Fonda in 12 Angry Men raging somewhere in all of our decision-making facilities).
And just when it looks like she is about to say “no”--and likely actually hypothetically was–Beto pulls papers out of his pocket, and she immediately changes her answer to yes!
Holy cow! What a transformation! What sudden character development! And you did not even have to wade through a feature film to see it and waste 100 minutes of your life!
You doubt that actually hypothetically happened?
Then consider this:
Okay, so you now believe she said “yes,” but you are still still skeptical that there was a great possibility that she would have said, “no.”
Well then consider this:
So now you doubt no more, #belief. But we should note, in full transparencies of admitting our own errors, that the only incorrect statements we made in the above hypothetical situations circle around the fact that Beto’s chances of her saying “yes” under any of the scenario were actual much, much lower than we or Beto could have possibly imagined as each of the NO’s in the above image represent the possibility of the fiancée saying “no” while the one YES represents the lone possibility of the fiancée saying “yes.” We have not counted the NO’s—though research assistants at universities are encouraged to do so—but it is plain to see that the chances are much, much lower than we had anticipated above.
So how, in her heart, mind, and soul did the fiancée find that YES?
It was two factors:
1) She had a lot of Where’s Waldo? books growing up.
2) “But ore, much more than that” (citation: Sinatra, Frank) it was mostly what we mentioned before, it was the magic papers Beto pulled out.
“Oh, dear heavens,” you must be thinking. “I did once own a Where’s Waldo? book, but I gifted it to my niece—it never seemed to help me so much in life, but wouldn’t I love to have such magical papers available to me! That is of the real interest to me.”
Then, “What were those magical papers?” you ask.
Those papers were the printout of the results of the World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll results showing the fiancée’s favorite bear had won.
“Naturally,” you say. “That makes sense,” as somewhere in your consciousness you already knew that to be the case.
Beto and his wife went on to be soulmates for eternity and live happily ever after. One of their kids went on to cure cancer. The other was kind of a loser and a drain on society, but didn’t commit any crime (was too lazy for that). But, again, the other cured cancer! So who really cares about the other one, the lazy one? All and all, it’s a great bargain for society. Would you want to take all of that back? While nothing is perfect in this world, that is just one of the great results that can happen from investing heavily in a World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll Campaign, hypothetically (I mean, really do invest in the campaign, the results* themselves are hypothetical).
*The results of the hypothetical campaigns are hypothetical, but the results of World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Polls are real.
