Previous Hypothetical Bear Campaign #13

for

The World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World Best Bear Poll

Teenage years can be difficult.  It is hard to know what your place is in this world (even as an adult with a fully developed prefrontal cortex and able to rent cars without an extra sizable daily insurance charge, Michael W. Smith stayed up all night trying to find his “Place in This World”). 

Finding your place can be a search filled with angst. 

Being a teenager (who can’t rent a car) can be a stage of life filled with angst.

But a group of misfit teenagers at an undisclosed high school in rural Wisconsin which cannot be found on the Other Internet through a Google search channeled that angst into a successfully-run World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll Campaign that featured the latest communication techniques, such as TikTok videos and constant use of the word “cracked”—as in “voting in the World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll is so cracked.” 

Not only did their chosen bear win, but they became so popular in their school that the cool kids lost their status and started their own bear-loving campaigns to catch up.  There became a lot of successful World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll Campaigns at this school, which students were able to include in their college applications.  Obviously, the students were then accepted to any college of their choice with full-ride scholarships so they did not accumulate any student debt and went on to have great lives.  To be clear, their lives were not great because of the absence of debts; their lives were great because they had won World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Polls.

With all of these great things happening at this high school because of World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll Campaigns, parents began moving to the area from all over the state (and even from out-of-state and also even from overseas) so that their high school-aged kids could attend this once-shabby, underperforming high school but now opposite-of-shabby and overperforming high school.

This transformation happened because so many people moved to the area for the high school that home values rose (citation: supply & demand) causing property taxes to then go up and the school’s budget to rise substantially. This allowed the school to build a better football stadium, which made their football team better, which eventually allowed some of the graduates to play for the University of Wisconsin Badgers., which allowed the Badgers to finally get a good passing game and win a hypothetical Big Ten title.

The increased budget also allowed the library to finally get new books where the pages weren’t falling out of the binding, but that was deemed of little import as reading has quickly become a thing of the past.

What is a thing of the present, hypothetically, and also a thing of great import, hypothetically, is that because more and more of these high school graduates are playing for the University of Wisconsin Badgers, there is a grassroots movement afoot—all based at this one high school—to change the University mascot to some kind of bear because a badger is not a bear and all of this progress was humbly hypothetically due to the World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll , which again is about bears and not badgers, though badgers are nice too—they just aren’t quite as dynamic as bears (citation: the worldwide fame of the World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll).

The current University of Wisconsin mascot, Bucky Badger, could not be reached for comment, but he looks pretty angry about all of this.