Cleaning Up Potential Misperceptions & Misconceptions: Part #2

“But I am not substituting,” the ignorant doth protest.  “I am simply mixing. When I am adding Coca-Cola to my whiskey, it is like mixing cake batter.”  

Wrong.  No respectable grandma has ever mixed whiskey and Coca-Cola into their cake batter when preparing sweets for her grandkids’ upcoming visit. #BewareOfDHHS

What you are doing with your twisted “mixing” ideas is like adding a Backstreet Boys track to your otherwise solid classic 90s mixtape.  No one likes the Backstreet Boys (citation: they made Marshal Mathers sick in 2000). 

We do not know what sad set of circumstances leads one to find such tragic ways of “mixing” sweetness when the actual mixing of sweetness can be easily achieved as the necessary ingredients can be readily obtained.  A genuine and classy example would be wearing a Sweet Livin’ hat and mixing (or matching) it with a Sweet Livin’ shirt.  Or mixing and matching a Sweet Livin’ shirt with listening to a 2Pac song.  Or mixing and matching a Sweet Livin’ shirt with a hammock and a 2Pac song.  Or making a 2Pac mixed tape on your old boombox.  In other words, mixing 2Pac with more 2Pac is what we are trying to encourage here.  Mixing 2Pac with Backstreet Boys–and whiskey with Coca-Cola–is what we are trying to avoid.  

Why would a reasonable working man, woman, or child (within the structure of modern child labor laws, of course) spend an hour of their honestly-earned wages on decent whiskey and then mix it with carbonated junk that probably costs more to ship than to produce?  They would not (children, for instance, should not even be drinking alcohol in the first place).  Nor would the reasonable working man or woman who wrote these words.

You will note that the previous sentence excluded “children” as we do not employ children writers at Sweet Livin’ Productions because unfortunately global educational systems are not fit enough to produce youth–even those old enough to obtain work permits–capable of writing such sweet words; all writers, including ghostwriters, here at Sweet Livin’ Productions have completed proper advanced modern education materials in addition to any potential advanced or unadvanced degrees and abide by the strictest of ethical and adult-age-achieving standards.

The fact of the matter is when you have something good in life, you should not dilute it with something cheap and disgusting.  The Pittsburgh Steelers, for instance, do not dilute their beautifully sweet high-end color palette of black and yellow with a cheap and disgusting color like brown that symbolizes losing.  Nor do they–or the Pittsburgh Penguins–dilute their sustained success of winning seasons with losing seasons. 

Similarly, a person of good personal hygiene does not dilute their beautifully sweet set of healthy pearly white teeth with a couple extra coffee stained implants (that cost thousands of dollars uncovered by insurance) just to up their bicuspid count: why would someone do that? 

Sally Field did not say that life was like two boxes of chocolate instead of one: why would she have diluted her sweet message in favor of promoting some scammy BOGO “sale” of a third-rate chocolatier with an unnecessary extra box of chocolate that would have been cumbersome for her son Forrest to manage and diluted Tom Hanks’s famous line? 

Def Leppard did not request pouring lime juice on them in addition to sugar in the name of love in order to dilute the sweetness and blunt the success of their massive hit: it would not have been prudent. 

Sweet Livin’ Productions does not dilute their sweet line of amazing t-shirts and other respectable and safe merchandise by also selling corroded batteries or dangerous poisons that could harm your children.  

In other words, why dilute the good things in life with the bad things in life? 

Corroded batteries and dangerous poisons are the bad things in life.  Sweetness is the good stuff in life.  Do not dilute your sweetness.