The Mount Rushmore

of

Toaster Strudels

Rome wasn’t built in a day.

But the Toaster Strudel Mount Rushmore was built in less than a day.

But it wasn’t built in 30 seconds.

So we have to build a bridge to it because it doesn’t just happen out of thin air.

To build a bridge, you need education.

For the longest time, people have been calling education The Great Equalizer.

That may be.

But education is expensive.

Not everybody can afford almost 100k per year for a great college education.

But most people can afford $3.99 for a box of Toaster Studels.

No one–even us–is claiming that Toaster Strudels will teach you how to build a bridge, like an engineering degree might.

But Toaster Strudels can build bridges.

This bridge. for example, is made entirely of Toaster Strudels.

This bridge, to be abundantly clear, is traversing a sharp knife.

Such a bridge allows the safe passage over such a sharp knife by this very kind cat.

Or this small, loveable dog (not quite as kind at the above very kind cat, but still very loveable, as just mentioned):

Yes, the cream cheese and strawberry Toaster Strudel valiantly took a knife so the animals would not have to (had they chose to crossover the knife).

But as admirable as that is by the box of Toaster Studels, and while that may be the first bridge you think of when you think of Toaster Strudels, it is not actually the bridge that leads Toaster Strudels towards Mount Rushmorehood.

Consider this.

Toaster Strudels can actually build a metaphorical bridge, like a metaphorical engineering degree might.

Consider this.

Not everyone can be like this chef.

Or this chef:

But with Toaster Strudels, you kind of actually can.

Consider this.

Currently, this Toaster Strudels cannot be eaten. They are untoasted and still in the package.

Now consider this:

This Toaster Strudel is now toasted, but still cannot be eaten because it does not have icing on it.

Now further consider this:

Just by adding icing and moving it onto a different plate, the Toaster Strudel is now ready to eat and on a golden plate, which is more valuable to even a silver platter (citation: Gold vs. Silver Historical Price Chart).

Moral of the Story: Toaster Strudels are The Great Equalizer (as least equal to or greater than education in this regard) because they are able to turn anyone into a chef through the process of creating an edible Toaster Strudel. The amount of joy one gets from performing the zigzagging motion one gets from applying the icing to a Toaster Strudel is equal to or greater than that joy a cake chef/decorator gets from decorating a wedding cake that leads to a great marriage and endless posterity.

Honestly, the Toaster Strudel chef is equal to 2 chefs, as evidenced by the picture because it only takes 1 Toaster Strudel chef to complete the job.

Further Moral of the Story: It is a shame we will in a world where one must spend all of this time and labor validating the construction of a Toaster Strudel Mount Rushmore. But rather than lament that fact and never do anything worthwhile with our lives, we have done that heavy lifting in building the bridges of above.

Now, with that “work before pleasure” so readily completed, we can now present to you with the actual Mount Rushmore of Toaster Strudels (behind this curtain).

Now we open the curtain as the suspense and hopeful anticipation builds:

This is an expensive hotel room so the view better be good! Let’s see what it is with the curtain completely open.

The Mount Rushmore of Toaster Strudels!

Some things in life actually do live up to the hype!

Apple Toaster Strudels: “An apple a day keeps the doctor away!” What more needs to be said? But more could be said as you can help military families just by eating these tasty treats (citation: the box) and following the instructions on the back. Easier than having to be brave like actual people in the military!

Blueberry Toaster Strudels: Blueberries are high on antioxidants (citation: science & research). They could save your life—or at least save you from a potential trip to the doctor.

Cinnamon Roll Toaster Strudel: Not only do these pack in the flavor or cinnamon, which is great itself and help blood pressure, they incorporate the entire flavor of the whole cinnamon roll—yet at a fraction of the price! In fact, you can buy a whole box of these Toaster Strudels for nearly same price as one Cinnamon Roll! To call this a genius sidewind would be to not understand either what a genius is or a sidewind.

Strawberry Toaster Strudels: The Beatles wrote a prophetic song about this “Strawberry Fields Forever,” imagining a world filled with Strawberry-flavored Toaster Strudel boxes. That is enough to justify their place on this Mount Rushmore. But more could be said as you can help military families just by eating these tasty treats (citation: the box) and following the instructions on the back. Easier than having to be brave like actual people in the military!