The Birmingham Bridge

Perhaps the most important part of this Bridge is the bridge it replaced. Essentially, this Bridge had to clean up the mess of the previous administration, the Brady Street Bridge, which was appropriately destroyed in 1978. #SometimesItIsNotAboutTheInitimateRelationsWeHaveInOurLifetimeButRatherWhoWeCockBlock

We are not violent people at Sweet Livin’ Productions, but if ever a bridge had to go, it was the Brady Street Bridge. Can you imagine Pittsburgh having a Bridge sharing the same name as that evil New England Iago whose name we wish to limit here as not to desecrate this beautiful Mount Rushmore with so much mention of the actual sick Sikes Foxboro follower of Fagin*, that Macbeth and Lady Macbeth** of Beantown that football analysts and Shakespearean scholars alike argue endlessly over who is whom, which is best cast in which role?

The Bridge was so evil that it took off a construction worker’s leg***. A (Great Pittsburgh) doctor had to go up on the bridge and perform an emergency amputation just to get the poor, heroic Pittsburgher out.

What kind of sick sadistic bridge does that?

The Brady Street Bridge.

Yes, that Bridge had to go.

The Birmingham Bridge didn’t just sit around and wait for any other old bridge to come around and do something; it got up off the proverbial bridge couch and replaced the Brady Street Bridge itself.

And so, that was the Birmingham Bridge’s first good deed.

Which would have been enough.

But like all Great Bridges are bridges to the above and beyond, the Birmingham Bridge did not rest on its laurels.

The next good deed the Birmingham Bridge did was calling itself Birmingham.

Now, people may say that is because the South Side, which the Bridge goes to from the Oakland/The Hill District area****, used to be called Birmingham back in the olden days. People also say Birmingham refers to the English city of Birmingham. That all may be true.

And is actually true.

But there is something more interesting.

We will talk about that more interesting part here.

Like Pittsburgh, the Birmingham of Alabama is also known for its Steel History.

Why is that important?

Because it brings us to a well-kept secret not spoken about much, if ever, on the Other Internet.

Sure, they do talk about the Iron Bowl a lot, and how important of a rivalry it is to the state of Alabama and the world for its two SEC universities, Auburn and Alabama, to square off every year on the old gridiron. The rivalry is full of SEC West implications as well as college football playoff implications perennially. The winner gets the trophy for the year and the loser has to sing the winner’s fight song at halftime of the basketball game later in the winter.

The rivalry is so heated that one nutcase Alabama fan even poisoned historic Auburn trees.

He explained:

I wanted Auburn people to hate me as much as I hate them.

That is crazy. But we are about to bring some clear-headed sobriety to this rivalry. We are not going to poison trees, but rather take an enlightening trip over the Birmingham Bridge to a far-too-long unstated truth nestled in another state that really needs to be talked about more.

And so we do here.

This Iron Bowl game used to be played in Birmingham the majority of the time, home of Birmingham Steel. The relations to Pittsburgh are clear: Steel and Football, of which Pittsburgh is the Genesis of Greatness in both.

As such, it is only natural that the winner of the Iron Bowl each year gets crowned with the most prestigious and respected title of “The Pittsburgh of South.”

The winner of this game also gets other nice accolades, like sometimes going on to win the College Football National Championship.

Often it takes gutsy, chance-taking, steely, strong-willed performances–-the advent of which were on Pittsburgh gridirons–-to win the Iron Bowl. There are many famously gutsy, steely endings in the Iron Bowl where teams fought hard to earn the cherished moniker of “The Pittsburgh of the South.”

Let’s look at just a few that we ‘ve organized in chronological order, for the sake of progress.

The 1972 Iron Bowl has been dubbed the “Punt Bama Punt” game as Auburn overcame a late 16-3 deficit by blocking two punts that they returned for touchdowns to secure a most improbable 17-16 victory and not only stunt Alabama’s championship aspirations but also earn their own right to call themselves “The Pittsburgh of The South” in the same year that Franco Harris made The Immaculate Reception.

In 1982, Bo Jackson famously went “Over the Top” like Sylvester Stallone to bring Auburn its first Iron Bowl victory in a decade. Bo Knows how it important it is to call yourself the Pittsburgh of the South.

Kicking has come a long way since the 80s, which made Alabama’s 52-yarder, set up by an improbable long completion where the receiver was able to stop the clock by getting out of bounds, to win the 1985 Iron Bowl that much more impressive.

The 1997 Iron Bowl took a late Alabama fumbled and missed field goal for Auburn to scrap out an 18-17 victory.

The 2009 Iron Bowl featured Alabama coming from behind on its final drive to prevent an upset, preserve their undefeated season, and ultimately capture a National Championship while preserving its title of "The Pittsburgh of The South,” having blanked Auburn in the Iron Bowl the previous year.

In 2010, Cam Newton proved how important “The Pittsburgh of The South” title was for Auburn to recapture as Newton led Auburn back from a 24-0 deficit to defeat the defending National Champions Alabama 28-27 in what is called “The Camback,” which paved the way for Auburn to win the National Title that season.

2013 showed how quickly fortunes can change as Alabama lined up for a long, game-winning field goal that turned into the “Kick Six” when Auburn’s Chris Davis returned the kick, just short of the goalposts, from the back of the endzone 109 yards for a rare walk-off kick return and the coveted title “The Pittsburgh of The South,” giving Auburn the confidence to go on and win the SEC Title Game against Mizzou—never called “The Pittsburgh of The South”—and ultimately play for the National Championship.

It took four overtimes to decide who “The Pittsburgh of The South” was in 2021 and for Alabama to beat Auburn 24-22 in the Iron Bowl.

The 2023 Iron Bowl featured a series of strange events that culminated in an incredible 4th-and-goal from the 31 where Jalen Milroe threw an insane TD to Isaiah Bond. In the huddle prior to 4th down, with a calmness and composure reminiscent of Western PA football legend Joe Montana, Milroe told his teammates, “Let’s go make a play [and call ourselves The Pittsburgh of The South].” And so they did. And so we do too.

Such gutsy moments are indicative of the Birmingham Bridge’s gutsy nature: “The Birmingham Bridge is notable for the dead end lanes that were originally to be part of a city belt system.” Having dead end lanes is definitely a gutsy move by any roadway, let alone a bridge—so much so that if a bridge were ever to make a Top 25 Gunslinger Poll, this great gunslinging Bridge could be the one. But the bridge to Championships is not built through timidness or playing it safe (citation: Iron Bowl endings).

One of the great purposes of life is connecting every good thing in the world back to Pittsburgh (citation: contentment; truth; happiness; enlightenment; et al.). In order to do this, Pittsburgh needed to build bridges just as it is the duty of every human to build bridges of logic in order to accomplish this necessary feat and make the world a better place than it is, and more importantly, Pittsburgh a better place than it already is. The Birmingham Bridge does this (as seen above) perhaps better than any other bridge.

To be clear and avoid ambiguity: whatever accomplishments the winner of the Iron Bowl achieve in any given year after officially gaining the title The Pittsburgh of The South is then credited back to the City of Pittsburgh, with the highest levels of credit concentration in the city limits belonging specifically to the Birmingham Bridge.

It is more than deserving of its place on The Mount Rushmore of Pittsburgh Bridges That Did Not Make the Mount Rushmore of Pittsburgh Bridges.

Just as the annual winner of the Iron Bowl is worthy of, just for the current year at least, the title of The Pittsburgh of The South.

*In his Nostradamus moment, Dickens—in old England—made a cryptic futuristic allusion to Brady and Belichick in New England.

**In his Nostradamus moment, Shakespeare—in old England—made a cryptic futuristic allusion to Brady and Belichick in New England.

***The worker was such a tough, gritty, steely Pittsburgher that rather than complaining he just wanted to get back out there working on bridges, the greatest in the world. #TomBradyCanTakeOneOfYourLEgsButHeCannotTakeBoth,ThatRatBastard

****Or goes from to Oakland/The Hill District area, depending which direction you are going.