Sweet Livin’ Supermodels:

The Super Sweet Facts

Sweet Livin’ Supermodels are the most exclusive models in the world. You have a better chance of becoming a Victoria Secret Angel or Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model. That is just the facts, as requested by Sergeant Joe Friday.

The average person has an estimated one in eight billion chance of becoming a Sweet Livin’ Supermodel. There is a higher chance of winning the lottery, getting struck by lightning multiple times, entering Cooperstown as a Major League Baseball Hall of Famer, winning a Super Bowl, being MVP of a Super Bowl, being MVP of a Super Bowl as a Manning, or becoming a tennis legend as a Williams. It is often said–or often should be said–to young dreamers: “if you aim for the highest possible goal of becoming a Sweet Livin’ Supermodel, you can always fall back on the more probable goal of becoming President of the United States” because that is a more common achievement than becoming a Sweet Livin’ Supermodel.

There is also a better chance of becoming a serial killer than a Sweet Livin’ Supermodel.

But let’s stick to the positive.

Like other supermodels, Sweet Livin’ Supermodels are known for their high level of physical attractiveness. But in addition, Sweet Livin’ Supermodels must exhibit equally high levels of kindness, intelligence, professionalism, and humor. Yet even in further addition, Sweet Livin’ Supermodels possess even more great qualities, known as The Mount Rushmore of Sweet Livin’ Supermodels Super Sweet Qualities—sweetness, talent, beauty, and superness.

All of that—and more, to be discussed at a later date—make Sweet Livin’ Supermodels the most well-rounded supermodels in global history–and world history is very long (citation: size of this textbook).

The only real notable negative quality of a Sweet Livin’ Supermodel–if it can be called a negative quality–is that there was a time in their life when they were not a Sweet Livin’ Supermodel. But like any good protagonist–and Sweet Livin’ Supermodels are the best protagonists this world has to offer (certainly better than anything the literary world has ever given us)–they have overcome that difficult obstacle that initially blocked their goal and demonstrated character development, improving upon themselves in the best possible way to reach the highest height in the improbable success of becoming a Sweet Livin’ Supermodel.

So when you see a picture of a Sweet Livin’ Supermodel, it is not just a picture. It is a story–the greatest story of the year, because there is only one Sweet Livin’ Supermodel per calendar year. So when they say say, “a picture is worth 1,000 words,” they must be confident they can tell the greatest story of the year in 1,000 words. No more, no less (unless they say, “a picture is worth a 1,000 words, more or less”).

So we invite you to read the greatest story not of your life (necessarily), but one year of your life, at least. We invite you to read the greatest story of 2023. And you don’t even have to be literate. Because the greatest story of 2023 is a picture.