Previous Hypothetical Bear Campaign #5

for

The World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World Best Bear Poll

“Betty” is a well-respected financial investor, so her friends and associates found it curious when she withdrew all her investments from a hot company, redirecting that money into a campaign for her favorite bear to win a World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll.  She received lots of criticism, like when people questioned Warren Buffet for not investing in the 90s tech bubble.  

But the company Betty happened to pull her money from was FTX.  We all know now that this is a sketchy company, so why did Betty, a great investor, fail to have the foresight to avoid investing in it?  This was Tom Brady’s fault because Betty, like all older women, love Tom Brady (citation: that recent movie where all those famous older actresses love Tom Brady, but no one here at Sweet Livin’ Productions has watched or knows the name of or can even think of without almost puking) and Betty thought that if Tom Brady invested in the company then it must be fine.  

But as we all now, it wouldn’t have been fine.

Luckily, there is one–and only one–thing old ladies like more than Tom Brady.  

Cute bears.   

So, before FTX’s fall, Betty removed all of her money from the devious company, which broke Tom Brady’s heart and caused the slip in his performance and his eventual retirement, and invested it in the World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll.  

Betty was eventually congratulated, just like Warren Buffet was when the 90s tech bubble crashed after he had avoided in investing in it when those stocks were bubbling up.  Betty was actually complimented more than the Oracle of Omaha because while her bear won a World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll, Buffett has never been successful in such a campaign, most likely to be his biggest regret if he does not invest millions billions in such a wonderful investment as a World Famous Sweet Livin’ Production World’s Best Bear Poll before he dies.  The clock is ticking.  Live in the present.  It is never too late to do the right thing… until you're dead.  

Organ donors may be an exception though.  

But anyway, maybe Warren Buffett has already done the right thing, hypothetically.  And no we’re not talking about lame organ donations that may save lives–we don’t know if he’s an organ donor and we respect his privacy in such matters–we are talking about him investing heavily in a hypothetical World Famous Sweet Livin’ Productions World’s Best Bear Poll Campaign.  

Because there are so many similarities between Betty and Warren Buffett (as noted above), and because both have names that start with a “B” (as noted now), and because both are obviously insanely intelligent investors, many have speculated that Warren Buffett actually is the hypothetical “Betty,” not completely unlike how Stephen King writes under the pen name Richard Bachman, from time to time.  

If Buffett and Betty are one in the same, the Buffett has already done the right thing before he died.

But there is also a possibility that Betty is also Tom Brady, because Brady also has a name that starts with a B.  

God, we hope not.  Please don’t let it be so.  Brady can’t even win these hypothetical games, can he?