Hammock Review:

Cartagena, Colombia

A picture is worth a thousand offices.

Well, maybe not that picture taken by that photographer.

But there is probably some picture in existence somewhere by an actual photographer that is worth a thousand offices. One of these multimillion dollar pictures is at least closer to the value of a thousand offices than any image my lackluster picture-taking skills could generate.

But perhaps even a more skilled and manicured picture than the one above could have difficulty carrying the weight of idiomatic savoir-faire heavy in the phrase “a picture is worth a thousand offices,” for a picture’s value measured in office space may not be a traditional appraisal method in the standard commercial property valuation process, or make perfect sense in the logical sense.

But neither the perfect sense nor the logical sense are part of the five senses and the world* of Hammock Reviews has never concerned itself with property surveying hopes of maximizing assets while minimizing taxes, instead investing in a logical license that is readily employable** like the great literary licenses of old so often were busily laboring as the smokeless propellant to the literary canon, testing the limits of truth’s elasticity like a kid’s curiosity stretching a rubber band or modern labor laws making sure truth gets its lunch and a couple 15-minute breaks or future labor laws requiring a hammock available during such breaks, which will allow businesses to save money on defibrator purchases as no one will stress out and have a heart attack in such a hammock-rich, stress-poor beautiful future.

In other words, to put it more succinctly: when one rests in a hammock, logic–-one of the world’s great overworked proletariat with under-provided office space–-gets an opportunity to rest as well.

But discussing and examining such complexities with literary analysis*** alone would be insufficient, an annoying word used all-too-often in conjunction with “funds” when I am in intellectual monetary discourse with the local banking industry about my accounts via their remote machine agents. So we must consider the context of our literary analysis in order to avoid insufficient intellectual funds here in this Hammock Review.

“A thousand offices” in this context implies the archaic, antiquated, and outdated offices of old. Offices that businesses learned during Covid may not have had the value they once thought, with many workers staying remote even as the pandemic fades because Covid has made society aware of the internet****, bringing that above picture that opened this Hammock Review closer to the value of a thousand offices even in real monetary terms as demands for office space fades, in a nice example that the ultimate bulletproof vest to inflation is a cheap, worthless product. Those cubicle-laden, cookie-cutter constructed endless streams of stuffy, windowless, cheap fluorescent-tube lit, soulless workspaces that leave your eyes hurting and head aching at the end of the day. Offices without purpose, without vision. Offices without a view. Offices E.M. Forster never cared to write about.

Offices we never cared to write about–-not because we humbly emulate Forster’s dominance of Edwardian Era literature with Hammock Reviews’ destined dominance of Hammock Era literature-–but rather because we neglect to waste the expensive ink from our pens and flatten the wise wrinkles of our aged parchment on soul-sucking offices that did not have the wherewithal to furnish themselves with hammocks. #TakeResponsibilityForYourActions

But in that soulful office pictured way above opening this Hammock Review, there was a soulful hammock, pictured just below, anchoring this Hammock Review.

This hammock is perfectly positioned right behind the table seen in the first picture. Had I done justice to the hammock by having the foresight to perfectly position my cheap phone camera to take a picture that included both the table and hammock, you would be able to see for yourself the great perfect positioning of the hammock within the office setting.

But I have done the spiritual hammock work to forgive myself for such photographical inadequacies because when one is modeling hammocks during their workday, they hardly have time to consider the framing of pictures as it is rightly often said one can hardly be an expert at two things at once–-the days of Renaissance Men perishing over half a millennia ago, in 1620 (citation: encyclopedia)--and now, perhaps due to inflation that even shitty office space can’t curb, one needs 10,000 hours to be great at something (citation: Gladwell, Malcolm).

With limited time in life (citation: mortality), one must make choices (citation: 40, E-) about what to be great at. So as a younger man with the future (hammocks) ahead of me, when making the difficult career choice between elevating the science of hammock photography or the science of hammock modeling, I chose pushing hammock modeling to the next level, which is why (and I don’t mean to pat myself on the back too much) the science of hammock modeling is no longer stuck in the hammock-starved Dark Ages, when rather than treating a curable disease with medicine, society relied heavily on the notion of “letting:” be it good, old-fashioned bloodletting or more passively letting “destiny” take the sick person wherever (probably their grave); and when someone tried to model what they mistakenly believed to be a public hammock but was actually privately owned, they were tortured with their hands cut off and executed in early tragic examples of hammock martyrdom*****.

Despite all of the progress in the last half-of-a-millennium or so because of hammock models (and some others), humans still have a ways to go. While modern-day hammock connoisseurs still usually have their hands intact as society no longer mistakes hammock models for hand-chopping models, society does currently partake in the classically painful and cowardly passive-aggressive abuse known as neglect, ignoring the art of hammock modeling at every turn, not yet having established so much as one accredited (or even unaccredited) institution of higher learning offering an MFA in hammock modeling. This is especially absurd when we consider the fact that there is no finer art than the modeling of a hammock.

But rather than languishing in lamenting a greatly sorrowful and sad jeremiad like the great lamentations of old, we get down to business—hammock business—and buckle down (buckle-less style, in concert with modern technologies like keyless car ignitions: by laying down, in a hammock) and embark on a great journey to change such a sorry state of affairs of societal hammock-modeling ignorance as described in the previous paragraph-and-a-half by getting to work in our office.

Our corner office, to be precise.

While this featured hammock office may not be your prototypical corner office one sees in movies or real life, this office had a superior corner because of hammock proximity and lack of necessity for windows when the world is literally your window. Let’s take a look at a picture that puts into more unfocused focus the corner of the modern, avant-garde, state-of-the-art corner office. In other words, let’s take a peek into the future of labor.

***Life Spoiler Alert***

***Stop Here If You Want To Be Surprised By The Future Rather Than Ready For It***

The Future of Labor

*****We are not promoting dying for hammocks here. But rather, we are simply commemorating those past events that conceivably could have possibly happened, but were never recorded in traditional historical documents because as they say "history is written by the winners," which unfortunately for too long has been the anti-hammock crowd, a sad state of human affairs we hope to help reverse.

Sure, there may be a better angle that truly captures the corner view. But, once again, who cares? If all goes right in the coming years and the world makes a sharp U-turn away from negativity towards positivity, then the future of amateur photography will be in the hands of hammock photographers who will be spending more time in hammocks than critiquing the angles of this photograph here. To put it in succinct terms your high school guidance counselor can understand during your next schedule-making session: Geometry is not important when you want to grow up, be a good person, and write Hammock Reviews******. Such a statement has not often be said in human history because of the powerful Protractor Lobby. Math compass sales may also take a hit, but moral compass stock will rise (so it’s a good time to buy low).

This view is particularly lovely at night, from any angle, from any photo-taker with any amount of Geometry classes under their belt (or even those opting for suspenders, as one with many Geometry classes has likely to have chosen for their pants’ anti-gravity struggle).

The weather was also particularly lovely at night. While it was in the low 90s during the day, it hovered around 80 during the evening, featuring a wonderfully warm breeze off of the water providing much better ventilation than any mass-produced fan your local office supply store could offer*******.

There is another saying in the hammock world, if you wish to say it: don’t waste your money on an expensive corner office in your local city that has no breeze, when you can enjoy a much better, much more reasonably-priced corner office in Cartagena.

Oh this was a beautiful place to call my office for two weeks.

From this vantage point of the above corner hammock office, I was able to work during my time in Cartagena. From this vantage point, I was able to enjoy the sweet breeze that (sometimes) circumvented the humidity during the day. From this vantage point, I was able to enjoy wonderfully fresh breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. From this vantage point, I was able to drink copious amounts of Colombian coffee, the delicious taste of which somehow circumvents the traditional wisdom of avoiding hot beverages on hot days. From this vantage point, I enjoyed good company. From this vantage point, I enjoyed whimsical thoughts.

From this vantage point, I enjoyed wonderfully fresh******** aguardiente.

From this vantage point, I enjoyed rum.

Hemingway was known for his ability to write; Hemingway was also known for his ability to drink rum.

So we appreciate this modeling of artful behavior as an effective means to writing Hammock Reviews and elevating them to Hemingway’s artfulness and prestige.

A quote oft-attributed to Hemingway raises the spirits invoking the powerful one-two punches powering the great heavyweights of old–-“Write drunk. Edit sober”--may be at odds with his actual writing habits: write in the moderate morning and drink afterwards in the effervescent afternoon and ebullient evening. In other words, Hemingway neither wrote nor edited while he drank.

Which makes sense. Because when you write and edit sober (and get shit-faced later) and are a talented writer, you might end up with great products like Hemingway’s classic novels and short stories.

But if you write drunk and edit drunk with talent soaked not only in alcohol but also question marks, you might end up with Hammock Reviews.

But neither Hemingway nor the variant quoted method attributed to him are the only models of success. Metta-Sandiford Artest (formerly Ron Artest, later Metta World Peace), an integral part of the Lakers 2010 Championship-run and a former NBA Defensive Player of Year and a high-level gunslinger that gunslingers across the globe feel has been snubbed from Top Gunslinger Polls, would drink Hennessey at halftime, proving starting off sober, and then getting a boost from the alcohol midway is also a possibility, like lubricating a weighted ball so it increases speed as it more quickly slides over its fulcrum towards success. #Science #Physics #Progress

Successful musicians, like Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder, have been known to bring wine onstage with them.

Some performers, like Hall of Famer Steve Young, never drank.

There are many roads in life to consider (citation: the above; Google Maps). As Lao Tzu is often (wisely and appropriately mis)quoted (in Hammock Reviews) as saying: “There are many paths to enlightenment. Be sure to take one with a hammock.”

Which path did we take? Which model did we employ in the above office setting to achieve enlightened office success?

Noting the historic popularity of mixed drinks that continues to grow, the rising popularity of mixed-martial arts globally, and (to a lesser-effectively-monetized-and-more-confined-extent with more modest numbers of consumers) the increased sensibility of mixed-method studies in academia, we chose a mixed-methods approach to Hammock Reviews, including in the soon*********-to-be-famous********** office above.

In order to fully (or at least partially) communicate the employment and actualization of such mixed-methods Hammock Reviewing and working from the great-sounding theoretical to the great-happening actual, we need to (or simply will) take a deeper dive into some clarifications about the above office setting.

During the day, the rightly lauded and applauded office above hosted the more traditional actual remote work in which requirements of a job description were fulfilled in exchange for internationally-recognized monetary currency (USDs). We take a strong stance of strict sobriety for performing such labor. This includes, and is not limited to, refraining from even having a beer or drink with lunch: complete abstinence when someone or some entity is paying you for work. #WorkEthic #OldFashionedValuesButNotOldFashionedLikeInThe50sAnd60sWhenDrinksWereCommonFloutingAroundOfficesButRatherOldFashionedAsRelatingToSomeOtherTimePeriod

Hammock Reviews are not that kind of work.

Partially because no person or entity currently pays internationally-recognized currency for a Hammock Review. That is not because Hammock Reviews are not universally valued. Of course they are as people pay with something much more valuable than their money: their time. It takes a lot of time to read a Hammock Review. Afterall, time is money (citation: saying, popular “time is money”).

After reviewing the previous paragraph for accuracy (and, to a much more modest degree, sex appeal) and realizing that time and money actually have equal value as calculated in the syntactical structure of the phrase “time is money,” we must concede that people are not paying for Hammock Reviews with something of greater value than money, but rather equal value. #Honesty #Humility #Accuracy #UninflatedEgo #Mathematics #StickToTheFacts #Objectivity #Clarification

The other reason (in addition to whatever has been so articulately articulated in the last several paragraphs) Hammock Review writing does not fall under the auspice of the Don’t Drink During Work Policy is because Hammock Reviews are not work at all.

If Hammock Reviews are not work, then what are they?

Art.

Art is created in a studio***********, obviously.

The beauty of this above office featured in this Hammock Review is the quick and natural transition it can make from a dry office to an art studio where you can really feel the humidity Slide, like the Great Goo Goo Dolls Hits of Old, into your liver in an entertaining and successful versatility not seen or experienced since the ultra-versatile Antwaan Randel El propelled the Hoosiers to relevance in the Big Ten before helping fuel the Steelers to their long-awaited “One for the Thumb” during the 2005 season. In other words, it can transition from an office office quickly to a studio office, where you can be a wide receiver throwing a touchdown in the Super Bowl-–or at least watch that happen on YouTube.

So wordsmiths and deep-thinkers alike should be aware that our use of “office” here when referring this office in Cartagena includes both the dictionary definition meaning of office offices as well as art studio offices, often pivoting between the two like a multilingual speaker pivoting between multiple languages in various settings—home, work, etc.—or in the same setting when speaking with different people fluent in different languages.

One beauty of pivoting between the use of “office” in the way we do here is that you don’t have to go to the trouble of learning multiple languages or wrestling with linguistics in order to perform the pivoting. #Efficiency

For me, my pivoting between English and Spanish is pivoting between a language I am quite adept in—English (citation: Hammock Review and their high levels of excellence)—and a language I am forever stuck in intermediacy: Spanish (citation: yet, no Hammock Reviews in Spanish).

Can I say some amount of Spanish is a necessity for the Hammock Reviewer? That would be a controversial assertion as one knows the only language one needs to be a Hammock Reviewer is love: the love of hammocks. But Spanish sure helps, not only because there are almost a half of a billion Spanish speakers worldwide, but also because many of the world’s locations with the highest concentration of hammocks—The Hammock Belt—are Spanish-speaking places (citation: Review, Hammock Manzanillo; Review, Hammock Mexico City; Review, Hammock Cancun; Review, Hammock Santo Domingo; Review, Hammock Macao; Review, Hammock Bogotá; et al.).

As I often struggle with my Spanish (or simply speak it poorly without struggling, as “struggling” would connotate a great exertion of effort), I can say simply pivoting between the uses of the word “office” here in this Hammock Review is much easier than pivoting between English and Spanish. Primarily because I have complete command of both uses of this word “office”—I know both meanings—while I could never claim to completely know Spanish (less I utilize the great deception device known as the lie, in which case I also would know French, Portuguese, and Chinese, among other languages, and boast a 17-inch penis, which is much more believable than a suspiciously even foot-and-a-half 18 inches).

But lies are not necessary in Hammock Reviews: if one is not impressed by your ability to lay in a hammock, that is a them problem: not a you problem. So neither is it necessary to pore over verb conjugations, grammar conventions, and vocabulary lists in order to learn a language just so one can effectively pivot in hammocks. If one is talking at all in a hammock, it is usually just to themself. #Introspection #SpiritualHeights #AlcoholConsumption

Communication in a hammock is usually the universal word-less language of relaxation, of enjoying a gentle breeze either caused by the beautiful surroundings or the peaceful swaying of the hammock itself, supported by the laws of physics (which are supported by the laws of nature, which are supported by the laws of hammocks #TheCircleOfLife). One need not know how to conjugate a verb in 16 tenses to execute such successful hammock communication. The hammock has one tense: that of laxity.

Which makes the language of hammocks the most advanced language in the world. Consider that no other language boasts such a lax tense, despite having thousands of years to develop one. #AsleepAtTheWheel (#AndTheWheellWasInventedThousandsOfYearsAgoAsWellSoThat’sALotOfSleep, #RipVanWinkle). Consider further what Einstein said of time: “The past, present and future are only illusions, even if stubborn ones.” The language of hammocks, with one tense, does not buy into such illusions, does not play fool to time’s sleight of hand, does not pay hundreds of dollars for a ticket to be tricked by your resident magician as you can never find hammocks crowded into a Vegas casino theater.

So the language of hammocks is well ahead of its time—if only time were real.

Such an amazing language created by hammocks throws a real wrench into R. M. W. Dixon’s 2016 linguistics classic hit thriller Are Some Languages Better than Others? Dixon takes almost 300 pages to answer that question without ever mentioning hammocks or their language, which is easily superior to (better than) all other languages. Which is why rival (Tenured, #TheNeedForAcademicFreedom) linguists are racing to write the future bestseller: Are Some Linguists More Cowardly than Others? or Have Some Linguists Never Travelled to The Hammock Belt? or How Is It Humanly Possible That A Linguist Could Travel to The Hammock Belt and Be Blind to Hammocks and Deaf to Their Language?

But hammocks do not even care that their language is the best of all. Similar to how Winnie the Pooh is the ultimate Taoist by his very nature of not trying to be (citation: The Tao of Pooh), hammocks have the best language without even trying to. Hammocks are not trying to be better than anyone at anything. They just are. It is not hammocks—but rather their less-evolutionary developed counterpart, humans—that indulge in useless rivalries that can take a real emotional toll on the soul.

It is the non-hammock languages that are full of emotional toll booths. It can take an real emotional toll to be unable to communicate effectively what you could much more easily express in your native language. It can take years, a decade, or even a lifetime to learn a new (non-hammock) language and once you feel like you have finally mastered it at 85 years old, you might then suddenly pivot to death. Maybe that’s partially why the field of linguistics came about: to help ease communication the troubles of communication. A noble cause indeed. But a little foolhardy when hammocks have been around all of this time to provide an easier life with a more accessible path to pivoting.

It is possible that God got angry not because people built the Tower of Babel, but because they failed to offer Him a hammock once they did. #InconsiderateHumans

But maybe rather than pivoting with biblical interpretations, pivoting linguistically, or messing around with mortality’s morbid-minded pivots, you are athletic minded.

To pivot in boxing, you need to work out a lot, watch this YouTube video by a guy named Tony Jeffries and help him get it up to 1 million views, and then reach the height of sweet science pivoting success by getting your ear bit off by Mike Tyson. This is what life is like if the boxing ring is your office.

To keep your ear—and avoid long-term brain damage resulting from repeated blows to the head—one made pick up a basketball to pick up their pivot game. To master the perfect pivot in basketball, you first have to read all of this webpage and then do all of its homework on the court, the hardwood office. That takes a long amount of time. Whereas, it takes only well under a minute–-well-known to be a short amount of time–-to lay in a hammock.

With all of that now clarified in a way that only Hammock Reviews really can, we can now proceed forward by pivoting to the next part of this Hammock Review.

And do so in typical hammock fashion by relaxing and reviewing.

So far in this Hammock Review we have thoroughly discussed things from geometric and intellectual vantage points of offices and the activities therein, such as pivoting, through the intellectual lens of perspective. Now we are going to transition forward to the more visceral experience: when you have a beautiful office equipped with a beautiful hammock, what does it feel like?

In order to explore that question, like the great academic studies of old explore the great research questions of old, we will rely on great historical artifacts of old to answer: what does it feel like to have a great office?

It feels like being a gangsta, and Damn It Feels Good to be a Gangsta.

But those are not the only emotions or feelings in a famous office setting and like any substantive intellectual exploration, we will rely on more than one reputable source. But a good, famous office not only provides powerful feelings, it lights a fire under your ass, not in the sad sense of being a 19th Century Child Sweeper under a master not adhering to even the more archaic labor laws of the time in one of the worst workplace office settings of all time (inside a chimney), but in the modern motivational sense of a beautifully famous office.

To see what this feeling looks like in a visual sense.

To create this powerful emotional and motivational visual, we have circled back to our earlier geometrical discussion about vantage points. This was another vantage point in the office.

From this vantage point, I also enjoyed whimsical thoughts. I also enjoyed good company. I also enjoyed some of the aforementioned beverages. And if this seems like a sort of joyful repetition of a similar earlier line, then you are correct in your understanding about life, as hammocks enrich your life through a lot of joyful repetition, which circles back to how get good at something (citation: Gladwell, Malcolm; hammocks, laying in).

But such hammock-based repetition is never boring or harmful like other repetition, such as repetitive motions that healthy ergonomic practices harp against but jobs make you do to prop up (citation: conspiracy theories) the massive carpal tunnel-treatment industry. Hammock repetition avoids such injury and drab dullness because hammocks offer the spice of life in variety through the sophistication of subtly.

And so from a subtly different vantage point on a different day, but with a hat:

It must be remembered that such a vantage point is not always easy to come by because we unfortunately live in a majority-stuffy world where stuffy offices fill themselves with so much stuffiness that all of their vantage points are stuffy, leaving no room for hammocks, perhaps because the stuffy office’s own insecurity, like when one doesn’t invite their cool friend to a party for fear of being outshined, which in this case is legitimate because a stuffy office should be threatened by a hammock studio office.

Because of this sad state of affairs where hammocks are unofficially banned from so many regions of the world, my journey to such a hammock did not magically happen overnight.

Although it kind of did.

A night in JFK:

That was definitely overnight, I assure you that.

That was also definitely not a hammock, I also assure you that.

However, when you consider the length of uninterrupted somewhat cushioned flatness that is rare in most airport terminals, it is perhaps the closest thing to a hammock one could hope for in an airport without being offensive to how far away it actually is from being an actual hammock. So while I was grateful for so much uninterrupted flat cushiness-ish and life is largely about perspective (citation: spirituality; books, self-help), life is also about truth and not abusing the great privilege of being a card-carrying member of lovely licensure agencies like literary and logical discussed above. Not wanting such licenses to be rightly revoked–-or at least quietly and less controversially newsmaking go without renewal on a Friday afternoon–-I have to look this situation right in the eye and say directly: what you see in the above photograph cannot be called a hammock.

Far from a hammock, true, but at least I knew hammocks were in the near future. A future that comes quicker when a hammock is on the horizon; Einstein is credited (by us) with beginning to allude to this in how he is credited (by posters and the Other Internet) with articulating relativity: “When you sit with a nice girl for two hours you think it’s only a minute, but when you sit on a hot stove for a minute you think it’s two hours. That’s relativity.”

Reputable newspapers tinkered with Einstein’s alleged explanation and applied some editorial license to the quote at the time, so we see nothing wrong with respected Hammock Reviews applying the same tradition as we are not so high and mighty as to refuse to stoop down and dip are toes in respectable journalism from time to time and consider the following quote: “When you lay on an uncomfortable bench with a hammock waiting you, the bench feels like a deliciously pillow-filled bed, but when you lay on an uncomfortable bench in a dark and dingy jail cell with a firing squad waiting you, the uncomfortable bench feels like a lifetime of regrets. That’s relativity.” Naturally, you are able to get more sleep in the pillow-blessed bed with hammocks awaiting and so, relatively speaking, time flies by quicker.

Much quicker.

Welcome to Cartagena.

While the literal translation here is “Welcome to Colombia,” the subtextual subtitle is “Hammocks are on the horizon.” Even many Spanish speakers and Google Translate are unaware of this. Language can be tricky.

It is unclear if the anonymous people in the picture had hammocks on their minds.

But it is clear, they should have.

Still, there were some things to be done before the horizon could be reached.

There is not a saying in the hammock world, “Don’t lay on a hammock on an empty stomach” because one can always lay on a hammock, regardless of gastronomical variables.

But when landed in a new land, it is advisable to check out the local fare–-and as a Sphinx slouches towards Bethlehem (citation: Yeats, Williams Butler), hammocks slouch towards gluttony************.

My first meal ended up being at a dry restaurant.

And I did not have traditional Colombian food. I did not have the local fare*************.

But it was a magical place, where food easily disappeared**************.

I got a hotel room on the third floor. But no window view, no hammock.

I was getting closer though.

A Hammock Compass:

This card took me away from the hammock-less hotel to the hammock-filled*************** abode of the home office.

While this card does not give the precise location of the hammock in my office, it does provide the precise location of the ground-level minimarket**************** below my hammock office which made it easy to conveniently purchase so many hammock-friendly provisions.

In a way this card, encouraging the holder towards both the location of the hammock and the minimarket, was multitasking.

A lot like one multitasks in a hammock, better than many other office settings. And indeed, employers are always looking for employees that multitask.

A hammock is the best device for multitasking.

In a hammock you can actually relax while working at the same time. For many problems arise at workplaces (no one would disagree with that) and a problem can be better solved in a hammock than in a chair. The movement, the gentle sway of the hammock, however subtle it may be at times, creates the wonderfully paradoxical dynamic of simultaneous movement and stillness.

Ideal for problem solving.

Without any mental strain.

For those who think this is just hogwash of Hammock Reviews, consider the heavily-researched by the more traditional and boring studies benefits of walking to creative thinking and problem-solving.

But we might not be able to simply go for a walk in the park or take a morning constitutional or postprandial (because someone might use this opportunity to steal our hammock and/or because of other factors). In which case, we can let the gentle swaying of the hammock do the walking for us and provide that necessary motion, gently swaying us to creativity necessary in the arts like Hammock Reviews and problem solving in the domains of business and life (and perhaps magically burn calories like those magical electric ab toners)?

So what problems were solved in this hammock in this Cartagena Hammock Office? 

Solved Problems:

1) The problem of not having a Hammock Review. There was no Hammock Review for this Cartagena Hammock. And now there is. That is a problem that needed to be solved. And now that is a valuable problem to have solved.

Not only in spiritual terms, but only in monetary ones. We playfully began this Hammock Review poking fun at my picture-taking skills in a great display of humility unknown to the egotistical artists of old.

But now, with our great humility safely established, we can look in earnest at what the initial Hammock Office picture that opened this Hammock Review is actually worth by using the objectivity of mathematics.

First we must consider the value of a picture. Is a picture worth a thousand words as the cliche suggests? Researchers have often pursued this question, with one coming up with an actual value of 84.1 words, well below the cliche-assumed 1,000.

It should be worth noting here that since Man Ray’s ‘Le Violon d’Ingres’ photograph sold for $12.4 million and this Hammock Reviews is well over 3,200 words, then even by conservative scientific estimates that lowball the popular notions (84.1 is far less than 1,000), by dividing 3,200 by 85 then multiply by just 12 mathematics tell us that this Hammock Review is worth about $451.765 million. But rather than sell it to the highest bidder for that amount to keep it just for themselves and their rich buddies, we give it freely to the masses without even writing off such charitable donations on our taxes. #GoodCitizenship #CivicDuty

If that were the only problem the Hammock solved, that would have been enough. But that was not the only problem the Hammock at the Hammock Office solved.

2) The problem with this Hammock Review itself.

Even when doing all of this math, it is amazing that big office buildings are still worth more–-billions. So even this entire Hammock Review is not quite worth the price of a big office building–and we must remember that the opening photograph is only part of this Hammock Review and so only worth a fraction of its value. So considering the mathematics in play here, and the beautiful journey we went on together in this Hammock Review and reflection upon this journey, I humbly recognize and concede that a picture is not in fact worth a thousand offices. That would be ridiculous.

A hammock is worth a thousand offices.

*universe actually, as there are so many beyond worldly things in Hammock Reviews.

**And so needs the requisite office space provided by the employer.

***For those who might have missed our literary analysis, we direct them to the above paragraph where we used the term “literary canon,” which is solid ground for literary analysis.

****People could have worked remote even before the pandemic saving both workers and businesses lots of time and money, but only with the Covid-19 pandemic did people truly realize the internet existed. This is not an all too different phenomenon from hammock, where hammocks have existed for thousands of years, but instead masses of people, businesses, and workers alike continue to use chairs. We hope that Hammock Reviews sweep through the globe like a positive Covid (not testing positive for Covid, but rather an infection that offers a cure rather than a disease) and makes people realize that hammocks exist. #SometimesTheBestThingsInLifeAreThoseThingsThatAreAlreadyRightInFrontOfYou

******To be clear, we are not necessarily advocating that a high school student reading this before choosing their classes next semester should print off this Hammock Review and take it with them to their guidance counselor as a solid source that their teachers consistently ask them for to support a point, but we also aren’t advocating against it. We are staying neutral in the matter. Choosing classes should not be done by solely reading Hammock Reviews; it should be done in consultation with a student’s family, teachers, guidance counselors, and friends. Hammock Reviews can do many things that could almost be classified as miracles, but we would never falsely claim that Hammock Reviews can raise children alone. We all know “it takes a village to raise a child” because hammocks are in short supply around the world and there may unfortunately only be one hammock in a given municipality, so it is important to widen the radius of community help in raising a child as far as possibility until it includes at least one household with a hammock.

*******If your soulmate has has a fetish for document dividers and file label products, we are not judging them on a moral scale--however, we may advise them to reflect upon their fetish selection process. And may advise you to reflect upon your soulmate selection process.

********Perhaps not recently bottled, but certainly freshly purchased from the minimarket below the Hammock Office.

*********Hard to say exactly when, because time is relative (citation: Einstein, Albert).

**********Hard to say exactly how famous, because fame is also relative.

***********By a studio artist, sometimes referred to as “a hammock model.”

************A reason why the Bible has such a touch-and-go relationship with hammocks, at best.

*************Though I would have significant amount of Colombian food throughout my stay, of course—and it was absolutely delicious.

**************You may be wondering what the purpose of these food pictures are. We must confess that in additional to their mild contributions to the storytelling and intellectual periphery of the Hammock Review, they are an unfortunate act of appeasement towards the Other Internet that is rare for us, but must be done from time to time so censors will not remove us from the internet from lack of food pictures.

***************Only one hammock is needed to satisfy the conditions for calling a place hammock filled; just an FYI for real estate agents out there or those students working towards their real estate license or a potential home seller who wants to make sure the place where all of the most special things happened in their life is going to a good buyer.

****************One of the great things not only about this minimarket but is typical of minimarkets in Colombia and makes them superior to those here in the United States is that in addition to the typical unhealthy minimarket provisions of alcohol, tobacco, junk food, etc., this minimarket sold fresh fruit and fresh eggs—a real gamechanger.