The Gold Star
About the Gold Star. You have completed four rigorous quizzes in order to achieve this Gold Star. We are not saying this is the same as completing four years of college: less people have earned this Gold Star than have earned a Bachelor’s degree. Some might call that more exclusive company. This Gold Star is not handed out as loosely–we are not calling your preschool teacher promiscuous; please do not read into things we did not say–as gold stars your preschool teacher may have handed out back in the day (or might still be handing out) like they were free and worthless (because they were free and worthless). This Gold Star is also written in capital letters, meaning it is special, whereas the gold stars your preschool teachers gave out were lower case and generic.
Recommend uses for this Gold Star include:
Print on expensive paper and frame. Display it prominently in your office–more prominently than other degrees or awards.
Take a picture and put it on social media. Make a long post explaining the importance and largeness of your accomplishment, in case the ignorant people on social media do not immediately comprehend it.
Take a page out of the successful taxicab industry and display the Gold Star in your car like cab drivers display their licenses in certain locales. This will let your passengers know your success is official and you are not some unlicensed jitney impostor. It may also eventually lower your insurance premiums if insurers realize Gold Star drivers are more competent than other drivers, such as drunks.
Have your Gold Star tattooed on you by the best tattoo artist in your area. This may increase your street cred if gang members develop new stylistic preferences in tattoos in the coming years.
Impress a date by showing them your Gold Star. No need to be shy and make it seem accidental. Just whip it out. They will appreciate the confidence.